The Countdown Begins

Well...today marks the 2 weeks left before we travel day! As I was laying in bed last night trying to go to sleep, all I could think about was Ellie..and what we still have left to do...and then Ellie again....and then how we were going to get all of our stuff from the airport to our friend's home in Beijing..and then Ellie. I fluctuate from excitement to nervousness at the drop of a hat and don't know when the next time will be that I have a decent night's rest. Unless is is within the next few days from pure exhaustion. Jeff has been gone right now for 9 days. He has been in Italy and France on business while I am at home keeping the fort held together. Some days it feels like I am duct tape and some days only scotch tape, but overall the days have been ok. That is until yesterday. He was supposed to come home yesterday but unfortunately his plane has some technical problems so they weren't able to leave. Why can they not send another plane? Who am I to question...apparently they just can't. He was supposed to be home at 3 in the afternoon...then I got a message on the machine saying there were technical problems and it wouldn't be till after 5 when he got home. Then he called at about 1:30 our time...7:30 pm his time to tell me the bad news....not coming home today. He apparently will be home THIS afternoon at 4. My day then seemed to drag because I miss him and his sanity...and 9 days without his sanity is a LONG time if you know what I mean! Ainsley has been telling me "you hurt my feelings mom" in a VERY loud voice multiples times each day. One would ask...what exactly is it that I did...did I yell at her? Did I take away all her dollies? Nope...apparently anytime she gets in trouble and I have to tell her to go to her room hurts her feelings. This could be a LONG life for her. So anyway...I didn't get to bed till late as I was up doing things and I couldn't sleep and I was up with Ainsley at least twice...and as I lay in bed, not sleeping, all I could think about was Ellie. So I LOVED reading my friend Jennifer's post from yesterday. I didn't read it until this morning, after a what felt like an entire night of being awake thinking about our adoption, and it was a great encouragement to me. I haven't asked her if I can copy some of it but hopefully she doesn't mind...

I have to believe this dream was just a little bit of encouragement from God to start on this journey I feel might be our hardest yet. As Greg and I talk about how tough her adjustment might be, we do the research on her medical, emotional, and physical needs, and I think about all the tedious paperwork and numerous logical issues ahead, I feel overwhelmed. It didn’t help today as I was trying to engage a social service provider for our home study, I was “blown off”. The reason left on our voicemail was “we don’t service Smyrna”. I know that’s not the real reason, you don’t just not provide a service to one town…I had felt things go downhill when I said Tessa was 9. It would not be nice of me to reveal who this home study provider is, but now that I’ve read through their website, I have to wonder if they are in the business for the “right” reasons. I did ask once this afternoon “God, is this a roadblock telling us to stop?” Yes, we could stop right now- no money has changed hands yet, no commitments have been signed- it would be so easy to just stop here. In adoption, there are many points at which you can exit. But- you can’t just stop when you are called. When you are called, you press on knowing you will be given the tools, endurance, knowledge, and funds to move forward. When you are called, your mind and body get tired with the workload, but your heart stays focused on bringing home the child. So, I made another call and waited for an answer. The answer came from a social worker with another agency who, after I filled in the blanks on our situation, laughed and said my husband will have a lot to deal with “with all that estrogen in his house”. I guess I know who will be doing our home study!

So Jennifer, thanks for your encouragement to me and all those out there wondering why they are adopting. God has called us to this little girl and no amount of fear, sleepless nights and chaos will change that fact. We are excited and blessed that He has allowed us to do this and will be just as blessed if He allows us to do it again one day. Only two more weeks to go till we bring you home, Ellie! We love you so much and look forward to the day we can hold you in our arms and call you ours!